one.

{one year}

 passes so quickly

~

begins full of hope and promise

~

is just a fraction of a lifetime

~

can bring change, change and more change 

~

cannot be slowed down or sped up

~

reminds you of the past

~

inspires you to dream about the future

~

is the result of a million happy, troubled, hilarious, difficult and miraculous moments

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makes you want to go back and do it all over again

~

begs to be remembered

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will always be cherished

~

concludes with gratitude and celebration

~

passes so quickly

Tug-of-War

I'm a mother of two now. And a neglectful blogger, though I can't imagine a better reason than this happy girl!

But, as a matter of fact, this blog is not the only thing suffering my neglect these days. The dog. The dishes. The laundry. The pile of books to read. The husband. And, at any given moment one or the other or both of my kids. (It is so weird to put an 's' at the end of that word!) I've come to the realization that mothering more than one child means that no matter what you are doing, you are pissing off one or the other of your children. And, you can just forget about yourself completely! You know the saying, "You can't please all the people all the time"? Well, it should be revised to, "You can't please all the people...EVER"!!!

It's like a continual game of tug-of-war. Take today:

C heard about a bike ride test-driving some new mountain bikes and he leapt at the chance. So, he's happy. J on the other hand, has recently learned that the word 'weekend' means Daddy is home, which typically equates to a trip to Starbucks for a a chocolate milk and a donut, and spends the morning randomly crying out, "Why Daddy is on the bike path? I want him." He is not happy.

I am not happy because I awoke to a kitchen full of dirty dishes. With a three year-old asking for Captain Crunch (which we don't even have) and a two month-old cradled in my arms, there's no chance that I can clean it up a bit before getting breakfast going. So I unhappily move the dirty dishes around, clear a 6-inch by 6-inch space off the kitchen table and set down a bowl of yogurt for J. Immediately, he drops a glob of yogurt on his shirt. He is not happy. The shirt must come off. Any slight stain or even a drop of water necessitates a wardrobe change for this kid.

Now N is not happy because the first of her many nursing sessions of the day has been interrupted by big brother.

Fast forward an hour and a half. N is still nursing and J has exhausted his capability for independent play. "Where are we going? Want to go somewhere?" C won't be home for another hour and he took the good car.

J's second favorite thing after going places is snacking. So, he launches into whining that he wants "a snack". No hint as to what he wants. He expects me to go into a detailed and complete list of everything we have, which he will briefly consider before saying, "No. Something else."

When none of our slim pickings will do, he remembers that if he pees on the potty he can have three chocolate chips. N protests as I plop her into her swing and herd J into the bathroom.

After that's taken care of, C comes home and offers to make lunch. J's exuberant mood at going potty turns on a dime and he shouts that he doesn't want lunch, he wants "a snack". C and I give him exaggerated and forceful "Shhh's" because N is finally napping.

Napping is another battleground. I savor the hour and a half that J naps. He's much happier after a nap, but is in denial of that fact. So, he begs and fights and stalls and we end up cajoling and making bargains. Today, no amount of cajoling on C's part could get J to sleep. I tried to nap while they bickered about glasses of milk, trips to the potty, and what time J could get up. In the end, C drifted off and J ended up playing in the basement while I changed an explosive poo diaper. Pretty clear here who's happy and who's not, right?

Rather than taking you through the continuing give and take of our afternoon, suffice it to say that it involved car naps, J sporadically singing, "I'm wearing a Pull-Up!", and canceling our dinner plans with friends.

Lest you think I am a horrible, grumpy, ungrateful mother, I assure you that there are moments of pure joy throughout our days. My favorite right now are the times that N is content on my lap looking up at me when she catches sight of J and breaks into a wide, crinkly-nose smile. J's face lights up as he grins right back and says something sweet and cute like, "Mama, look! Her happy face! I think she really likes me!"

It doesn't get much better than that.

Happy~Ness

A blogger I read and admire, Abigail Green of Diary of a New Mom, has tagged me with the "Sweet Friend" Award and asked me to post 10 Things That Make Me Happy. How could I refuse? A new year began 26 days ago and here is my first post! But, I think it's a perfect "first of the year" post.

1. My Family--I'd be crazy not to put my family at the top of my list. They are by far the biggest source of happiness in my life. Although I've posted my fair share of mama woes and toddler troubles, I've never experienced such happiness and awe as I do when I'm with J. My husband is happy and funny, a great partner; my parents live near and are supportive; my younger brothers, though they don't always "get" my life as a wife, mother, professional, are around and involved; AND, I have four living grandparents! Life has been good to me in the family department, and I do realize it often.

2. Reading--I've always been a reader, and although it's harder and harder these days to find the time, thankfully I still am. I just finished The Help, which I loved and will be recommending for quite some time. Currently, I'm reading two books for the two book groups I'm involved in: Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult and Teacher Man by Frank McCourt. (I bet you can guess which one is for the retirement community book group!)

Next on my to-read list is probably The Happiness Project, which fits in perfectly with this meme. The author summarizes it as "a memoir of the year I spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, the current scientific studies, and the lessons from popular culture about how to be happy". Check out her blog, which is one of the happiness experiments she conducted while writing the book. It's energizing and inspiring.

I love to write and talk about books, and I have another book giveaway (or two) coming up soon. Please stay tuned for those!

3. Nature--Nature was a big part of my upbringing. My parents "made" us spend lots of time outside, took us to metro parks all the time, and planned vacations around nature attractions and activities. I feel happy and enjoy myself when I'm outdoors. My mood is also strongly affected by the environment and the weather. (I probably have undiagnosed SAD, but how could you not?)

4. Concerts, Live Theatre, Performances--If we made more money we would be more frequent patrons of the arts, but as it is I think we do pretty well. Last week we took J to his first symphony, one geared towards kids, which he loved. In high school, I went on the Stratford trip, where we traveled to (ahem) Stratford-on-Avon, Canada for the annual Shakespeare Festival. That was a really amazing experience. A couple of my favorite concerts are U2 and David Gray.

5. Traveling--I've taken some great trips around the country, the highlights being a) honeymoon to Bar Harbor, Maine, home of Acadia National Park; b) a year into our marriage, C and I trekked across the country to the Southwest in a little stick shift Saturn--these were some amazing adventures, one of which was my profound desire to knock C over the edge of the Grand Canyon once we finally got there; and c) a high school road trip with my best friend, her brother and her uncle traveling throughout New England and into the amazing cities of Montreal and Toronto.

6. Music--All kinds. Lately, my favorite musical interests are J's. He's BIG on singing, making up songs, dancing, playing instruments and asking who we're listening to on the radio. I think he has some kind of music lessons in his future, which makes me very excited and happy, as I have no musical talents whatsoever!

7. Writing--A favorite past-time that's taken a back seat lately. The entries in the pregnancy journal are much shorter this time around! But, any kind of writing makes me happy, especially blogging and letter writing. And, the extra happy bonus about letter writing is getting mail in return!

8. Good Food--I'm just gonna be totally honest here: food makes me happy! Pregnant or not, I like good food!

9. Photography--I could probably add "wanna-be photographer" to my blog header. I'm not sure exactly how good I'd be at it, but it is something I enjoy. And, I can appreciate the qualities of good photography. Looking at photos makes me really happy. We have so many albums around the house that I often pick one up and flip through, however quickly, just for that warm fuzzy reminiscent feeling I get.

10. Friends--Last but not least, my friends make me happy. I hope you all know that! Whether you are close personal friends, blogger friends, Twitter friends, you all add happiness to my life. With that, I'll tag a few friends with this "Sweet Friend" award and encourage you to blog your own 10 things:

Jenny of Write the Journey

Cheryl of Herland Notebook

Amanda of Made in a Treehouse

Three {3}

"A man and a woman had a little baby.

Yes, they did.

They had three in the family.

And that's a magic number."

Today J is 3!

Three years have passed since C's and my marriage grew into a family. A threesome. We've had three wonderful years as a trio. Soon, we'll be a foursome. I cannot even imagine how the joy and love will compound in us then, but I'm thrilled and anxious to find out.

~~~

{I celebrated my guy's special day by arranging the trio of J's photos, taken by Jessi of Everyday Studios. I love how his eyes and his smiles brighten our sunny kitchen even more.}

{Song lyrics: "Three is a Magic Number"; Schoolhouse Rock. C and I have always loved the cover by Blind Melon.}

Babies

This weekend while mowing the lawn, C found a rabbit nest. Right smack in the middle of our backyard. The only reason he noticed it was that a teeny tiny brown cottontail shot out of the nest across the yard when the mower came close. Thankfully, the mower did not come too close and the nest was undisturbed. He scooped him up and the three of us ooohed and ahhhed over him for a few moments until we saw another one scamper out of the nest! C scooped that one up too, and then carefully nestled them back in among at least three other brothers and sisters, and abandoned the mowing.

It filled us with anxiety to think that they might be abandoned or that there was more that we should do to protect them from stray cats and the occasional hawk. But, a google search led me to a couple web sites that completely backed up our actions:

> handle them with gloves so as not to leave your scent on them (mothers may reject babies that pick up scents other than their own);

> do not relocate the nest (we debated on moving it to a less conspicuous spot, but decided not to, so that mama would be able to find it);

> nestle them back down under their nest and keep pets away.

According to what I read, rabbits are the "absent parents" of the animal world. Fathers are not involved in the care of babies at all. Mothers nurse their young 5 minutes a day, leave the nest during the day, and return at night. The baby bunnies leave the nest at quite a young age, only 2 weeks (!) and are completely independent by 3 or 4 weeks.

Please keep your fingers crossed that these little guys are doing alright and will soon be off on their own!

power struggle

Hello world! I'm still here...but feeling swamped and sunk thanks to this little pair:

a certain toddler's tantrums (new Read Your Way Through post coming soon)

How can a child be so loveable and melt-your-heart-sweet one moment and then so utterly rotten the next? I mean, he can literally turn on a dime! Take today, for example. We had a nice brunch out with a friend. J climbed into the booster seat of his own accord and then proceeded to sit still while I buckled him in. He colored before his food came, he drank his milk without blowing bubbles, and ate his meal without throwing anything on the floor. Of course, he used his shirt as a napkin and interrupted us constantly, but, hey, I can deal. At one point, he even stopped my friend mid-sentence and said sweetly, "Am I being patient?"

Yes, yes he WAS.

That is, until moments later when we went into Target for 4 things. Just 4 desperately-needed things. A quick errand for Mama and then it was on to the park. But, no. The patient toddler was suddenly replaced by the angry, LOUD toddler. The toddler who hits his mama as she races down the aisle for the 4 things on her list. The toddler who, at odd random intervals, removes a shoe or a sock and hurls them out of the cart and into the aisles or on top of the shelves of diapers that his mama is scouring while trying to figure out unit price in her head amidst the screaming of said toddler. The toddler whose behavior elicits one of three reactions among the other shoppers:

The first, and any mother's favorite: sympathetic smiles. These are from parents or grandparents or just kind people who can see that I am hurrying on my way and doing my best to remain calm despite my embarrassment.

The second: glares or eye-rolling. These people would probably like to stop me and say, "Maybe you should leave and come back another time when he is either calm or you can come without him." I do not get that option. It's totally unfair. Leaving Target during a temper tantrum doesn't reprimand or correct J's behavior. It just inconveniences me. And I'm already inconvenienced by having to deal with a tantrum while buying diapers and other items to care for the child who is throwing the tantrum!

The third and worst reaction: snickering. Yes, snickering! I've not experienced that one until today. I didn't know it was possible to pause in your shopping, observe a child hitting, kicking, screaming, and then audibly snicker and giggle. Did they think J's behavior was funny? Were they laughing at me, stuck in this crappy situation? "The nerve!", as my mom would say. Well, I shot that guy a glare, but then decided not to look at any of the other shoppers on the way to the checkout in case they were smirking too.

The other thing bogging me down lately is the hectic and completely opposite work schedule that C and I have. Let me tell ya, doing the Toddler Stop Drop and Roll day after day gets old. But, I hate to complain because it is what it is and it is what we chose. We are lucky--and we tell ourselves this often--that we each get quality time with J. We made smart decisions to make this lifestyle work for us. We have very accomodating jobs. Nevertheless, I guess I'm going through a little phase where I either want what I don't have or I want what isn't possible.

And, sometimes that's enough to make me want to have a tantrum. Thanks for bearing with me.

:: connect the dots ::

Here's a fun random post with a kind of connect-the-dots logic to it.

Last week, C and I celebrated our ninth (!) wedding anniversary and spent a fun and casual night out in Short North Columbus. We had dinner at Marcella's, which I had been dying to try, and is absolutely positively my new favorite restaurant. Italian tapas, great wines, and a killer dessert menu!

After a nice leisurely meal that did not involve me rummaging through my bag to find a toy or a crayon or a sticker or a lollipop, we strolled the Short North checking out the shops and the galleries. At one of the galleries, and I hate to say that I forget which one it was, we came across some wooden carpets, like this one. Apparently, they are made in Israel. They're vinyl-backed and fold up accordion-style. Several coats of a laquer are applied so that the design is protected and it can be easily cleaned. Beautiful, don't you think?

Next, we stumbled upon this really cool boutique called Tigertree. Wow, I seriously coveted just about every item in there. Particularly, the gorgeous Orla Kiely wallets and totes in this fabric.

Also, the shop had tons of little trinkets, bags, notecards, and accessories done by an artist named Shinzi Katoh. The shopkeeper told us he's a Japanese picture book artist. C and I loved his style and have since been scrolling through his online shop. I want to get some of this tape and do something crafty with it. Take a look at his shop--it's endless!

While obsessing over this new-to-me artist, I read that he's one of the premiere Zakka artists. What is Zakka? Maybe some of you hipsters already know, but the word was new to me. I Googled it and found this helpful page on Squidoo:

In Japan, all the 'small, various products used in everyday life' are commonly called 'zakka,' a term which encompasses household goods, daily necessities and sundries. However, zakka has also come to represent a style of art and craft that is simple, charming, and of Japanese esthetic. Most items in the zakka style are handmade, but there are commercial companies that mass produce items using the style. The Japanese dictionary describes zakka as "general merchandise", "miscellaneous goods", "sundries", "sundry goods" including interior goods, kitchen goods or even cosmetic product.

I think that's such a cool concept. And, it's the concept that is the basis for an amazing blog I discovered this week. Zakka Life features a craft project of the week, as well as helpful book reviews of fun and crafty new books. Several crafts have been posted recently with Mother's Day being the theme. I liked this tea cup card. It could be a gift card holder. It could adorn a breakfast-in-bed serving tray. Use it as a place card if you're hosting a Mother's Day brunch.


My best friend's mom has been like a second mother to me all my life and she is soooo into tea! I think I'll be making one of these this weekend to send to her as just a cute "thinking of you on Mother's Day" token.

And, Happy Mother's Day to all of you mamas and mamas-to-be out there. I hope you get a chance to enjoy some of your favorite things and reflect on the amazing things that being a mother brings.

XOXO

Battle Ready

We've officially had a 2 year-old on our hands for a little over a month, and let me tell you, it was as if a switch went off on his 2nd birthday and J became an independent, bossy, disagreeable toddler! No, of course all his sweetness isn't lost, but some days he's just a whirlwind of orneriness and combativeness. As the picture indicates, I think he's donned his battle armor and is prepared to duke it out with Mama & Daddy.

So, likewise, we've been forced to create our own little arsenal, stepping up a notch from the stern looks, threats, and soft-spoken mini-lectures. I've recruited family, friends, the pediatrician, books and web sites to help me figure out the best course of action.

Babycenter recently (and coincidentally) emailed me the discipline tool kit for toddlers, which suggests distraction, substitution, offering choices, reducing the amount of times you say "No", and trying to respect the situations in which your toddler says "No". (Yeah, that last one is interesting, huh...)

Among the many parenting, childhood development and discipline books out there, I have found one to be remarkably eye-opening, exciting and helpful. Beyond Time Out: From Chaos to Calm by Beth Grosshans. I wouldn't say that our home has become complete chaos, but the book was featured in PW and I decided it wouldn't hurt to look at it since time-outs haven't been especially working for us. I don't completely buy in to the author's way of thinking (WARNING: she does somewhat knock attachment parenting, co-sleeping and Pleaser parents who tend to talk things out w/their kids all the time), but the book has definitely armed me with some effective parenting tools and taught me a lot about the insticts, motives, and needs of young children. In fact, once I finish the book I could see myself writing an entire post just on the things I have come away with.

Aside from these pointers, I'm just trying to ratchet up the patience! What's working for you?

Creative Living

Tonight I dipped into my new stash of library books and read Amanda Blake Soule's book The Creative Family. Soule writes a blog that I've been following, which is how I discovered her book. She is absolutely inspiring. Incredibly creative, mindful, reflective and insightful, inventive, and real. I read straight through the entire book furiously jotting down quotes, reflections, projects, resources, and came straight here to blog about it. Each section of the book opens with a motivating or inspiring quote. Here are a few that really spoke to me:

"Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere."

- Albert Einstein

"The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst lovely things."

- Plato

"Every child is an artist. The problems is how to remain an artist once we grow up."

- Pablo Picasso

Soule, herself, is author to some very inspiring words as well. Reading The Creative Family, I felt I was reading part art book, part parenting book, part "green living" book, and part meditation book. Here are some of her gems:

"A large part of nurturing a spirit of creativity comes from being mindful, slowing down, observings, and looking around you at the beauty and inspiration all around. We are blessed as parents to have the best teachers for this - our children." (p. 5)

"Think about letting your child be the guide, director, and teacher, while you try to be the student. Your role is to provide the environment and to watch and learn." (p. 13)

"Practice gratitude - when we feel grateful, we feel full - full of love, full of inspiration, full of ideas, and full of creative spirit." (p. 15)

"Living the creative life is made all the more fulfilling and rewarding when we are creating with, for, or because of others." (p. 191)

Beautiful, no? I am really looking forward to attempting some of her projects and ideas with J this winter. I think they will be excellent learning opportunities as well as creative experiences. And many of the finished products would make excellent gifts.

Library Jackpot

I had to work today and while there I finally picked up the huge stack of reserves that have been patiently waiting for me all week. I am excited to take a look at all of them. There's lots of non-fiction in this to-read stack, and a couple of teen books, including the Printz Award candidate, Paper Towns by John Green.

The complete list of what I picked up today:

The Woman Who Can't Forget - Jill Price

Beyond Time Out: From Chaos to Calm - Beth Grosshans

The 10-Day Glycemic Diet - Azmina Govindji

Reading Magic - Mem Fox

The Creative Family - Amanda Blake Soule

Let it Snow: Three Holiday Romances - John Green, Maureen Johnson, Lauren Myracle

Paper Towns - John Green

Creative Play for Your Toddler: Steiner Waldorf Expertise and Toy Projects for 2-4s - Christopher Clouder

My Stroke of Insight - Jill Bolte Taylor

Apples for Jam: A Colorful Cookbook - Tessa Kiros

Stay tuned to my Goodreads account for my reviews on these. (Assuming I get to all of them, which I highly and unfortunately doubt.)

Motrin vs. Babywearing

Today, some of my fellow Twitter Moms alerted me to a new Motrin ad that targets babywearing mothers and the supposed pain they suffer. It's a pretty shocking ad, and very disappointing to see a company attempt to sell products by denouncing babywearing as a pain-inducing fad.

Mothers (and fathers and caregivers) across the globe have been wearing their babies for CENTURIES. And (Motrin, this is addressed to you) slings and carriers positioned correctly will evenly distribute baby's weight and put less strain on a mother's back than carrying a baby in her arms. All the literature out there on babywearing warns that if you feel pain or discomfort you have the sling positioned incorrectly.

When J was an infant, my husband and I both used sling carriers with him. In the sling, J seemed more of a participant in whatever we were doing than while riding in a stroller. The hands-free functionality of slinging was also a great benefit. Going for a walk or making a trip to the store, I had less to lug in and out; I had two free hands; and I was still snuggling my baby!

Luckily for me, my good friend Margaret was experienced with slings and babywearing, so she was able to help me choose comfortable slings and positions. Dr. Sears' books and web site were also very helpful resources to me while I got the hang of it. Here are a couple facts from Dr. Sears's web site about the importance and benefits of babywearing:

• Sling babies spend more time in the state of quiet alertness . This is the behavioral state in which an infant is most content and best able to interact with his environment.
• Sling babies are intimately involved in the caregiver's world. Baby sees what mother or father sees, hears what they hear, and in some ways feels what they feel.
• Carried babies are intimately involved in their parents' world because they participate in what mother and father are doing. A baby worn while a parent washes dishes, for example, hears, smells, sees, and experiences in depth the adult world. He is more exposed to and involved in what is going on around him.
• Carried babies become more aware of their parents' faces, walking rhythms, and scents. Baby becomes aware of, and learns from, all the subtle facial expressions, body language, voice inflections and tones, breathing patterns, and emotions of the caregiver.
• A parent will relate to the baby a lot more often, because baby is sitting right under her nose. Proximity increases interaction, and baby can constantly be learning how to be human.

Big Boy

Mama Journal Entry

One day recently Tommy told Rebecca that J is "like him now". I guess meaning that J is not a baby anymore, but a big boy and a friend. J and Tommy (5) play so well together. They are like brothers except they never fight. J does whatever Tommy does--he copycats and likes to make Tommy laugh. It's cute and fun to watch, but it makes me wonder, will playing with someone so much older make J grow up faster? His play is already more imaginative than I expected or thought possible for a 20 month-old. Last week at Rebecca's he found a Rubbermaid stepstool in her kitchen. He carried it to the front room where he was playing trains and used it as a tunnel, chugging the trains along under it and saying "dark tunnel".

And ever since we went to the pumpkin patch and took a hayride with Tommy, J plays hayride at home. He pushes his highchair around the kitchen, or climbs on a chair, or stands on books or a pillow all the while announcing, "Hayride ready! Hayride comin'! C'mon Tommy!"

Like any parent, I hope to do as much as I can to foster his imagination. Yesterday I decided that the key to encouraging imaginative play is to provide J with new experiences. Toys are fun and can be imaginative, but experience gets in deeper and takes root in the mind and the imagination. Had he not felt the thrill of bouncing through the pumpkin patch on a bale of hay on the back of a tractor, he would not be tearing the house apart right now using his Lego table as a 'hayride'.

Watching such a little guy pretend in such a huge way really strengthens the value that my husband and I share of using our money and time on activities rather than things.