Hello world! I'm still here...but feeling swamped and sunk thanks to this little pair:
a certain toddler's tantrums (new Read Your Way Through post coming soon)
How can a child be so loveable and melt-your-heart-sweet one moment and then so utterly rotten the next? I mean, he can literally turn on a dime! Take today, for example. We had a nice brunch out with a friend. J climbed into the booster seat of his own accord and then proceeded to sit still while I buckled him in. He colored before his food came, he drank his milk without blowing bubbles, and ate his meal without throwing anything on the floor. Of course, he used his shirt as a napkin and interrupted us constantly, but, hey, I can deal. At one point, he even stopped my friend mid-sentence and said sweetly, "Am I being patient?"
Yes, yes he WAS.
That is, until moments later when we went into Target for 4 things. Just 4 desperately-needed things. A quick errand for Mama and then it was on to the park. But, no. The patient toddler was suddenly replaced by the angry, LOUD toddler. The toddler who hits his mama as she races down the aisle for the 4 things on her list. The toddler who, at odd random intervals, removes a shoe or a sock and hurls them out of the cart and into the aisles or on top of the shelves of diapers that his mama is scouring while trying to figure out unit price in her head amidst the screaming of said toddler. The toddler whose behavior elicits one of three reactions among the other shoppers:
The first, and any mother's favorite: sympathetic smiles. These are from parents or grandparents or just kind people who can see that I am hurrying on my way and doing my best to remain calm despite my embarrassment.
The second: glares or eye-rolling. These people would probably like to stop me and say, "Maybe you should leave and come back another time when he is either calm or you can come without him." I do not get that option. It's totally unfair. Leaving Target during a temper tantrum doesn't reprimand or correct J's behavior. It just inconveniences me. And I'm already inconvenienced by having to deal with a tantrum while buying diapers and other items to care for the child who is throwing the tantrum!
The third and worst reaction: snickering. Yes, snickering! I've not experienced that one until today. I didn't know it was possible to pause in your shopping, observe a child hitting, kicking, screaming, and then audibly snicker and giggle. Did they think J's behavior was funny? Were they laughing at me, stuck in this crappy situation? "The nerve!", as my mom would say. Well, I shot that guy a glare, but then decided not to look at any of the other shoppers on the way to the checkout in case they were smirking too.
The other thing bogging me down lately is the hectic and completely opposite work schedule that C and I have. Let me tell ya, doing the Toddler Stop Drop and Roll day after day gets old. But, I hate to complain because it is what it is and it is what we chose. We are lucky--and we tell ourselves this often--that we each get quality time with J. We made smart decisions to make this lifestyle work for us. We have very accomodating jobs. Nevertheless, I guess I'm going through a little phase where I either want what I don't have or I want what isn't possible.
And, sometimes that's enough to make me want to have a tantrum. Thanks for bearing with me.